The Pliable Putty

© ARTHI V KNon-IndianForcedSelfNovelette

• Author’s note: I hadn’t planned on publishing this story as the storyline is very close to that of ‘The Manipulated Fiancé’. Since someone asked about forced dressing stories and since there are certainly more redeeming characteristics (in retrospect) in this story than the other one, I decided to put this out there.

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     Ashwini searched for her husband Nikhil. The Halloween party at her office was a costume party and there were a large number of people at the venue. The party was wild with people dressing outrageously. Many people were really drunk. She was drunk too and wanted to head home.

     Ashwini turned a corner and came to a large room. The room was filled with people. She scanned the room and her eyes rested on two people in a corner – Nikhil and a heavy set woman who was dressed in a witch’s costume. Her face was made up with the even a projecting fake nose. The wide-brimmed hat that she wore cast a shadow over her face which had been made up to look hideous.

     The two of them seemed to be having an awkward conversation. It was evident even from afar that the woman was drunk. Ashwini knew Nikhil was a teetotaler and was sober. The woman took of her fake nose and slowly leaned into Nikhil with her lips pursed. Nikhil tried to escape the kiss and backed up but his back was against a window and he had no room to move. The woman put her hands on either side of him allowing him no wiggle room. Nikhil was trapped. He tried to get out from under her arms without actually touching her. He was a good two inches shorter than the woman who stood in tall black heels that were part of her costume. She blocked his way and almost pinned him to the window. Ashwini watched the scene as if she was watching a movie.

     Nikhil tried to day something to placate the woman but she’d have none of it. Ashwini made her way towards them and saw the woman try to kiss Nikhil. Nikhil, having lost patience, had just pushed her off when Ashwini arrived near them.

“Let my husband go”, said Ashwini.

The woman turned to Ashwini, “Oh, so he is yours then”. Nikhil was stunned by what had happened and the fact that Ashwini had seen it.

“I’m sorry”, he told her and added, “I’m going to use the restroom”, before leaving the scene.

“He is just so cute”, said the woman.

     Ashwini had a good mind to knock some sense into the woman but thought the better of it. It would be pointless to punch a drunk woman.

“Didn’t he tell you he was married?”.

“Oh he did and pleaded with me to let him go, but he is seemed so docile that I just had to kiss him”.

Ashwini was stunned by what she just heard.

“In fact, if he were not attached, I’d have taken him home and put him in his place – as my girlfriend. And not just in title but also in the clothes”, said the drunk woman.

“Whatever”, said Ashwini and turned on her heel and started to look for Nikhil.

     She found him exiting one of the restrooms looking quite rattled. He looked around for Ashwini who came up from behind and tapped him on his shoulder making him jump.

“What’s the matter?”.

“Oh, I was worried that it could be that dreadful drunk woman…” Said Nikhil.

“Let’s go home. I’m feeling drunk and want to get out of this party”, said Ashwini.

     Nikhil followed Ashwini to their car. Ashwini tossed the keys to him. They got in the car and Nikhil drove them home.

     As they drove home, Ashwini closed her eyes and recalled her past and their relationship.

     Ashwini’s father had passed away when she was in high school. Her mother had raised her as a single child. Ashwini was a brilliant student and had excelled in her studies and passed out with flying colors from her high school and gone to a prestigious university. She’d done her undergraduate degree in electrical engineering. After passing out at the top of her class, she’d aspired to go abroad for higher studies. Her mother couldn’t fund her higher education but luckily, she’d got scholarships from many prestigious universities and she’d picked the one that she liked best.

     Out of graduate school, she’d been recruited by a small fledgling company that was trying to make electric cars. She joined them as an engineer working on the power system. Very quickly, because of her prowess and acumen, she started climbing the ladder. The company saw explosive growth and she rose to the post of a manager in a short span of three years. The IPO a couple of years later was just the icing on the cake. By that time, she was a senior manager in the company. As one of the early employees, she’d accumulated enough stock that she was set for life at the ripe age of twenty nine.

     At this point in time, Ashwini could no longer put off her mother’s insistence that she get married. Until that point, she’d concentrated on studies and career and given that both were set, she could not push the marriage out any longer. It wasn’t that she wasn’t interested in marriage. She did think about settling down and having a family. However, the success in her career and having a tight friends circle did make her wonder if she needed to marry at all. At that point, one by one most of her friends were getting married and so it seemed like the right thing to do.

     Ashwini’s mother had started to look for alliances for her and came across Nikhil’s profile. It seemed he also had lost his father when he was very young and had been raised by his mother. He was an engineering graduate as well but had chosen to be near his mother and had settled down in the same town and worked for a small company there. The two mothers had got on well at their first meeting and after a few meetings, their friendship was so strong that they decided that no matter whether their children got together or not, they’d remain friends.

     Ashwini’s mother sang praises of Nikhil after meeting him a few times and Ashwini relented and came home to meet Nikhil. She saw him as a quiet shy person and someone that would be easy to get along with. She did put down a condition that she didn’t want to move from her current job and that she wanted to stay where she was. Nikhil suggested that they should stay close to their mothers in old age. Ashwini suggested that now that they both were good friends, they could find a place together. She suggested that Nikhil move in with her and when the time came, they could bring both the mothers over and have them move in with them perhaps even getting them an in-law unit. Nikhil was not too pleased but was placated by Ashwini’s reassurance and decided to go along.

     Ashwini’s and Nikhil’s engagement was a small affair with just the two mothers in attendance. Ashwini told Nikhil and the two mothers that she just wanted a simple wedding with no guests. Everyone acquiesced. Ashwini went back to her job.

     After a few months, the mothers decided on an auspicious day and Ashwini and Nikhil were married. They were both tired after the marriage and so they decided not to consummate the marriage that night. Ashwini left the next day as she had a deadline to meet the following week. She arranged for Nikhil to get a spousal visa but the wait times were long and it was almost six months by the time he got his visa.

     It had just been two weeks since Nikhil had arrived when the Halloween party was held. Ashwini had told Nikhil upon his arrival, that given the six-month delay, they should get to know each other before consummating the marriage. Nikhil had just gone along with her suggestion.

     The car pulled into the driveway of their house as Ashwini thought ‘And now this…’.

     Ashwini told Nikhil that he could sleep in another bedroom till she had time to think about what happened that night.

     As she lay in bed, Ashwini could not fall asleep. Her mind kept going back to what the woman had told her at the party. She contemplated Nikhil’s nature and realized that the woman did have a point. He went along with whatever suggestion she made and never put up an argument. Besides, he could have very well pushed the woman away and walked out. He was a man after all but he definitely didn’t behave like one that night. During the early hours of the morning, she came to a conclusion. This would allow her to get out of the marriage which she thought was not going well given Nikhil’s nature.

     At breakfast the next morning, with a stern look, she told Nikhil “I’ve come to a decision about our relationship. I’ve decided that it is not going to work out. We should get a divorce”.

Nikhil was shell-shocked by Ashwini’s statement. “But…”.

“No buts”.

“Please Ashwini, it was not in my control. I tried to get away from her. Besides, I have been in this country for all of two weeks. I didn’t know that people were crazy enough to get drunk and literally assault…”.

“Right, you are a man. Who are you kidding about not being able to get away from her? You could have pushed her away and walked away. And don’t pull that I’m new here stunt. Some part of you must have wanted to be there…”.

“Please, I tried to. She was too drunk and I didn’t want to cause a scene and embarrass her, myself and possibly you”.

“You know what she told me? She told me that you were docile and that if you’d been unattached she might have taken you home and made you her girlfriend, literally. Perhaps what she said is true. You are docile. That doesn’t bode well for our marriage either. I want to be married to a man for crying out loud”.

     Ashwini’s words cut Nikhil like a sword. He was terribly dejected. The fact that he didn’t have a job yet was working on his mind already and what Ashwini told him just seemed to add to his sense of despondency.

Ashwini, not understanding Nikhil’s state of mind, added, “See, you have no response to what I said…”, icily.

     Nikhil’s shoulders slumped. This onslaught from Ashwini when he really needed her support tore down the last remaining positivity in him. Ashwini, seeing his face, felt pity for a second but she decided to pursue the situation to her advantage.

“I’m going to file for a divorce today. I’ll give you a few days to move out”.

“Please think of our mothers. How will they feel about our divorce?” Pleaded Nikhil.

Ashwini thought for a few minutes. “Fair enough, they don’t need to know about it”.

“I don’t have a job yet. You know that jobs in my field are hard to come by here. If we get divorced, I’ll have to go back home. They will come to know about it”.

“Ok fine. You can stay with me while you find a job”.

“I cannot stay in the country without a job after having divorced you”, said Nikhil, sadly.

Ashwini had anticipated just this eventuality. “Fine, after our divorce, I’ll get you a work visa”.

“You will? Thank you”.

“Don’t thank me yet. You haven’t heard what I have to offer. I’m embittered by your behavior. I’ll offer you the role of a domestic. You can be my housekeeper – cook, clean, take care of the house etc.”.

Nikhil was stunned. “You mean…”.

“Yes, I mean be my domestic servant”, said Ashwini with a deadpan expression.

“But…”.

“You are a good cook”, said Ashwini, rhetorically. The two weeks had seen Nikhil cook delicious food for the two of them. Nikhil nodded.

“You don’t need to know too much about cleaning and taking care of the house. Those are obvious things. You’ll have to hire workers to do work that cannot do. You’ll have to do laundry. I’ll draw up a contract that will lay out your duties”.

Nikhil hung his head in shame.

“Oh, forgot the most important thing. I’m going to tell my friends that, things didn’t work out and we’re divorcing. None of them have seen you. I can’t be obviously seen living with a male housekeeper. Tongues will wag. So, I’ll need you to dress like a woman for the role. Shouldn’t be too hard for you given the comments of the woman who tried to kiss you”.

     Nikhil felt like Ashwini had slapped him. Ashwini waited for him to object or erupt in anger but he just seemed to buckle under her verbal attack.

“If there is nothing else, I’ll head out to work now. When I come in the evening, I’ll take you out shopping. We’ll need to get you women’s clothes. We’ll also throw out your current clothes as you won’t be needing them anymore. I hope you will get started on the housework right away”.

“Please…” Said Nikhil but Ashwini ignored him and continued.

“I’ll have my lawyer draw up a mutual consent divorce. You’d better go along with that unless you want things to get ugly”, said Ashwini, in a threatening manner.

“I’ll also ask her to start the paperwork for a domestic visa immediately”, she said.

     When Ashwini came home that evening, she was amazed to see the house in a much cleaner condition than in the morning. She walked around the house admiring how clean everything looked. As she neared the kitchen, she heard noises. When she entered the kitchen, she saw Nikhil cooking something and it smelled delicious.

     Ashwini put down the contract on the dining table and made Nikhil sign the contract for a year’s term. It listed all the duties and stipulated free time etc. Nikhil signed it even without reading.

“Let’s go”, she said causing Nikhil to look up at her after he’d finished signing.

     He followed her silently out to the car. They got into the car and started to drive.

“I’ll be taking you to a store that is very private. I’ve already informed the owner that I’m bringing you in to be fitted for clothes. She’s assured me that everything will be taken care of”, said Ashwini. Nikhil nodded.

     Ashwini pulled in to a parking space in front of a small nondescript store front. She rang the bell as Nikhil stood behind her.

     A woman opened the door even though the sign in front said, “Closed”.

“Please come in”, she said smiling to Ashwini. “And this must be the person to be fitted”, she said offering her hand to Nikhil. Nikhil took her hand and shook it.

     Once they were inside, the woman asked Ashwini to take a seat and told her that she’d take Nikhil into one of the side rooms for measurements. Ashwini nodded and Nikhil followed the woman into a small room.

“Now, go ahead and undress for me”, said the woman.

Nikhil hesitated and the woman said, “Don’t worry, it’s not something I haven’t seen before. By the way, I’m Emily”, and smiled.

This put Nikhil a bit at ease and he said, “Nikhil” and smiled. He removed his shirt and pants. “Your vest and briefs too”, said Emily.

     Nikhil removed them slowly. Once he was done, Emily was very business-like and started to take measurements and note them down in a book. After she was done, he started to reach for his clothes.

“Wait a minute, I have one thing for you”, said Emily and brought out a pack of something.

“These are called gaffs. They help you present a smooth front”, she said and handed them to Nikhil. He looked at them and back at her not knowing what to do.

     Emily opened the packet and showed them to Nikhil. They were all in pastel colors. She selected one that was in a deep pink color and showed him how to put it on.

“That’s the only thing you’re going to get today”, said Emily smiling. After Nikhil had dressed, they both walked back to the room where Ashwini was seated.

“Ok, I have all the measurements. What kind of clothes did you have in mind?” Emily asked Ashwini.

“I want about a dozen everyday work clothes. Skirts and blouses. What else are good for everyday work?” Asked Ashwini.

“Some pants might work…”.

“No pants”, said Ashwini, decisively.

“OK. Any thought about length of skirts?”.

“At or above the knee”. Emily nodded.

“Frills? Lace?” Asked Emily.

“Both are ok”.

“Undergarments?”.

“Yes a dozen of those as well. Suitable for everyday work but stylish”. Emily nodded.

“Anything else?”.

“Some more fancy dresses. Something that can be worn when stepping out”. Emily nodded and noted in her notebook.

“Some party dresses. I’m expecting something a hostess might wear”. Emily scribbled in her notebook.

“Some lingerie to go with the dresses. Anything else you’d recommend?”.

Emily finished scribbling and said, “Oh, yes. Corsets?”.

“Do you get ones that can be self-tightened?” Asked Ashwini. Emily nodded and said, “I’ll order about half-a-dozen everyday wear corsets and a few fancier ones for dresses”.

“We haven’t spoken about footwear”, said Emily.

“Oh, some kind of heels that can we worn around the house and some stilettos for the dresses. Some boots maybe? I’ll let you decide”.

“I’ll also get some jewelry to go along with the work wear and something to match the party dresses”, said Emily.

Ashwini nodded with approval.

“Now, you obviously need more work here”, said Emily pointing to Nikhil. “Periodic waxing and hair removal…”.

“Can you find someone who can remove the hair permanently?”. Emily nodded.

“Some breast forms, butt padding etc. Also need a teacher who can train in make up, mannerisms, dressing and feminine deportation”.

Ashwini looked at Emily questioningly. “I can do it but it will have to be done here after the store is closed. May be 8-9 or 9:30pm?”.

“OK, SHE will be here”, said Ashwini. This made Nikhil look up and Emily raised her eyebrows.

“It is best to refer to”, said Ashwini nodding towards Nikhil as “she/her from now on”.

“In fact, a female name is needed. Hmm… I’ve got it. Niharika”, said Ashwini after thinking for a few minutes.

Emily looked at her questioningly. “It means something sweet”, said Ashwini and smiled. Emily smiled and nodded.

“Anything else?” Asked Ashwini.

“No, I’ll get started on this. The cost is going to be roughly about six thousand and it’ll take me a week to put everything together”.

“And your classes?”.

“Oh, don’t worry about those”, said Emily.

“Oh no. I can’t have you using up your free time without recompense. How about this? Here’s a check for ten thousand. Please make this a priority and get the stuff as soon as possible and when can you start the classes?”.

“How about tomorrow?”.

“OK, Niharika will be here tomorrow at 8pm”, said Ashwini and walked out.

Nikhil followed Ashwini to the car and got in.

As they drove, Nikhil started to say “Ash…”. Ashwini turned and glared at her. “How many domestics do you know that call their employers by name?”.

“From now on, you will not call my name”, said Ashwini and thinking for a minute said “You will call me ma’am from now on”.

     Nikhil scanned Ashwini’s face to see if she was joking but Ashwini just had an expressionless face as she drove home.

When they got home, Ashwini nodded to Nikhil to follow her. Ashwini led her to a small bedroom on the other side of the house and walking in said, “From now on, this is your room. Move your things here tonight. I’ll expect to see your shirts and pants in a bag ready to be trashed. As soon as the clothes come in, they will be trashed. Is that understood?”.

“Yes… ma’am”, said Nikhil.

“Good girl. You are a fast learner”, said Ashwini and headed back to her room to change. The humiliation was too much to take for Nikhil. “Why did I have to get into this hell?” He cursed himself. Ashwini didn’t see or pretended not to see the sadness that pervaded Nikhil’s face.

     Ashwini looked up from her computer as she heard a knock on her door. She saw Nikhil standing at the door.

“Ma’am, the food is ready”.

“OK, I’ll be there in a minute”.

     Ashwini arrived at the dining table to see the table set. She sat down to eat and the food was delicious.

“Good food”, was all she said after she’d eaten. She got up and walked over to the washroom. Nikhil cleaned up after Ashwini and put things away. He then took his plate of food and sat in the kitchen and ate it. Ashwini passed by and saw Nikhil sitting on the floor and eating. She felt a huge pang of guilt. “What you’re doing is atrocious, Ashwini”, a part of her said but steeled herself and walked back to her room.

     Starting the next day, Niharika appeared for good. She cooked dinner, laid the table for Ashwini to eat and then drove herself to the appointment with Emily. She ate only after she’d gotten back after 9:30pm.

     Emily delivered the stuff piecemeal starting the next day and in five days, had delivered everything. She called Ashwini and told her that she’d help Niharika wear the dresses as part of her lessons. Ashwini waited exactly a week after the delivery and then threw out Niharika’s male clothes.

     Over the next few weeks, Niharika settled into a routine. She learnt how to deport herself like a woman and also learnt how to do her make up and even sound like a woman. A series of hair removal appointments during the day removed all hair from her body. Emily and she got closer to each other and she told Emily about her circumstances. Emily felt bad for her but she helped Niharika be the best version of herself so that she could do her job.

     Ashwini visited Emily after about two months and paid her a bonus for getting Niharika up to speed so quickly. Emily felt bad for Niharika and refused to take the money. Ashwini convinced her that nothing bad would happen to Niharika and forced her to take the money. She asked Emily to keep in touch with Niharika and keep her posted in case there were any problems. She said that it was unlikely that Niharika would come to her if she had a problem but Emily was the closest she had to a friend at the moment.

     Emily took this to heart and met Niharika at least once a week and made sure that she was OK.

     On the home front, Ashwini and Niharika got into a routine. Niharika got used to calling Ashwini ‘Ma’am’. Ashwini for her part, called her by her name. A few months passed.

     In one of their meetings, Niharika told Emily about how painful it was to get the breast forms right and how the gum made her chest itch.

“OK, I’ll get you ones that just insert into the bra” said Emily.

“There are ones like that?” Asked Niharika innocently. Emily felt bad for Niharika. “But what about when I wear dresses?” Continued Niharika.

“You can use the adhesive ones when you wear dresses”.

“While we’re on the topic of discomfort, these clip-ons are killing me, Emily”.

“The only solution is to have your ears pierced”, said Emily bluntly. Niharika seemed torn.

“Do you want me to talk to Ashwini?”.

“Oh no, she will kill me”.

“Don’t worry. I’ll tell her that the idea is from me”.

Niharika nodded. Then, suddenly, she burst into tears. “Why is this happening to me, Emily? What did I do to deserve this?” She cried.

“Shh, don’t think about such things. I only hope Ashwini will come to her senses some day and realize that you love her so much that you’re willing to do all this for her”.

Emily broached the topic with Ashwini in a roundabout way. “The thing is that I feel that she doesn’t need adhesive forms unless she’s wearing a dress”.

Ashwini looked at Emily questioningly. “I see that Niharika’s chest area is irritated. She won’t say anything but…”.

“Fine, please get her what she needs”.

“You know, Niharika is almost ready to host your parties”.

“That’s good but you said almost”.

“Yes, I think it would be good to have her ears pierced. Why don’t you get that done? Have her put on regular earrings. Clip-ons can only work so far and the choices suck. More importantly, they kill you after 3-4 hours”.

“But it will be irreversible”, said Ashwini.

“That boat has already sailed. Remember that you ordered her body hair to be removed permanently?”.

“Hmm, that can be covered”, said Ashwini. “But I guess it is better for her. She wears clip-ons 12-14 hours a day. Let me think about it”.

After a few weeks, Ashwini told Emily “OK, I’ve thought about what you said. I’ll agree to the ear piercing only if Niharika agrees”.

“OK, I’ll convince her”.

“How will you do that?”.

“Well, it is already a slippery slope to femininity for Niharika. There’s no way she’s going to recover from this and become a man again. So what’s one more thing?”.

“Do you think she’ll want to become a woman completely?” Asked Ashwini.

“Why? Are you concerned?” Asked Emily.

“I’ll support her in whatever she wants to do”.

“Sorry if I’m being blunt. You forced her down this path and now you’re saying you’ll support her? That’s a bit much isn’t it?” Asked Emily.

Ashwini looked a bit desolate and said, “I didn’t expect things to go anywhere as far as this. I expected her to put up a fight at some point and I thought we’d go back to normal”.

“Well, that ship has sailed a long time ago. I hope you understand that she’s only doing all of this for you”.

Ashwini looked at Emily curiously and said, “So what should I do?”.

“Go with the flow and tell her that she needs to get her ears pierced”, said Emily.

     Ashwini did as Emily suggested and the next day Emily took Niharika out and got her ears pierced.

     By now, it had been about a year since Niharika was born. Ashwini got a big promotion at work. She was now a Director in the power systems group. She also got a huge stock grant that made her worth an obscene amount of money.

     Ashwini decided to throw a party to celebrate. She told Niharika to get everything set for the party. Niharika dutifully set everything up. The day before the party, Ashwini called Niharika and told her that she wanted her to play hostess for the party. She asked Emily to help Niharika get a dress, accessories and footwear.

     On the day of the party, Niharika wore a sleeveless dark green stretch dress that reached mid thigh. Her long coiffured hair curled down her back. She had a perfectly made up face and wore shiny black pumps with stiletto heels. Everyone coming in to the party, commented to Ashwini on how pretty Niharika looked and how charming she was. Ashwini felt herself swell up with pride.

     Ashwini’s friends were all in attendance. One of them, a friend by the name of Carla, came over to Ashwini during the party and asked, “So this housekeeper of yours, is she attached?”.

“No, not attached, but you’d better not try anything with her!” Warned Ashwini.

     Carla made a sign to say that she heard Ashwini. But Carla was impulsive, a big drinker and could get quite aggressive when drunk. Ashwini decided that she needed to keep an eye on Carla through the night.

     With the party in full swing, Ashwini forgot about Carla and her comment. After several hours, the party started to wind down.

     That’s when Ashwini recalled Carla and her comments. She turned around to see if she could spot Niharika. She couldn’t see Niharika anywhere. In a near panic, Ashwini rushed from room to room looking for either of them.

     Finally, she reached a bedroom from which she heard voices. She tried the door but it was locked from the inside. She could hear Niharika’s voice pleading “Please. Please let me go”.

“Not until you provide me with release….” Said Carla’s drunk voice. Ashwini was enraged. She put her shoulder to the door and crashed into the room.

     Carla had Niharika pinned to the bed and was atop her. Niharika was making every effort to get out. However, she was fighting with one hand tied behind her back, figuratively, as she was trying not to hurt the aggressive and drunk Carla.

“Get off her!” Screamed Ashwini as she pulled Carla off Niharika. As soon as Carla was off, Niharika ran from the room.

“Get out of my house!” Said Ashwini.

“Hey, why are you getting so upset about a housekeeper?” Asked Carla.

“She’s not my housekeeper… She’s the love of my life!” Said Ashwini pushing Carla out of the room. A few other friends hearing the commotion came to the room and everyone realizing that a line had been crossed, quickly vacated the house. The party had come to an abrupt close.

     Ashwini saw the last of them out and shut and locked the front door. It had taken her about twenty minutes to get everyone out. The house was really quiet.

     Ashwini walked up to Niharika’s room. She stood at the door and listened for any sounds. She tried the door slowly and it opened. She saw Niharika lying on the bed in her dress with the light on. Ashwini walked up to the bed and realized that Niharika had probably gone to sleep from sheer exhaustion after the long party and that scene with Carla. She took off Niharika’s shoes, covered her with a blanket and turned off the light. She walked out of the room and closed the door.

     Ashwini could not sleep. She decided to clean up after the party and, in the next couple of hours had, cleaned everything up. She sat in a chair in the living room and thought about how things had come to this. She rued the day of the Halloween party and how she’d reacted to it.

     Her mind drew parallels between that incident at the Halloween party and the incident with Carla. She thought about how if she had stood by Nikhil during the first, the second would have never come to pass. She analyzed her feelings for Nikhil at the time of the first incident and then for Niharika at the time of the second. She could only conclude that she’d grown to love Nikhil and Niharika. That only reinforced what she had said in her outburst directed at Carla. She decided on a course of action and only then could she get some sleep.

     When Ashwini woke up the next morning, she saw that she was covered with a blanket. She slowly turned around to see Niharika coming out of the kitchen with a hot cup of coffee. Niharika brought the coffee and set it in front of Ashwini.

“I’m so sorry about last night. I swear it wasn’t my fault. She wouldn’t take no for an answer!” She said with sadness.

Ashwini jumped up from her chair and hugged Niharika. “I’m so sorry to have put you into that position”.

“What do you mean, ma’am?”.

“Please stop with the ‘ma’am’!” Pleaded Ashwini, with anguish.

Ashwini recounted Carla’s comment from earlier in the evening.

“How could you have known?”

Ashwini looked at Niharika and her eyes filled with tears. “My god, what have I done?”.

She pulled Niharika by the hand and said, “Please sit”. She walked into her room and brought back a folder.

“This is your contract”, said Ashwini as she picked up the sheets of paper and lit them with a lighter. Niharika looked at Ashwini in astonishment. The papers burned to a crisp.

Ashwini looked at Niharika and said, “I’m sorry you had to go through all of this because of me. I cannot rollback time but I can try to make amends”. Niharika gaped at Ashwini.

“I have three options for you. The first is that, I’ll give you half of what I have. You can get away from me, easily undo all the things that I did to you, find a partner and live happily”.

Niharika waited patiently. “The second option, in case you’re worried about our moms finding out, is that you and I can live as housemates. I’ll share whatever I have with you. You’re free to do what you want. Come and go as you please”.

No response was forthcoming from Niharika. Ashwini let herself get her hopes up.

“The third option?” Asked Niharika.

“The third option is that you allow me to marry you again… This time, I will do it right!” Said Ashwini.

“There is a fourth option!” Said Niharika, calmly.

“A fourth?”.

“In the past year and a half, the economy has improved. I found an employer who is willing to hire me”. Ashwini’s face turned pale. “I think it is best if we part ways now. I want to thank you for helping me put on the charade for our mothers. However, enough time has passed that we can tell them that our differences were too great and that we couldn’t be together. Thank you for getting me the worker visa. I’m really grateful”.

“Niharika…”.

“Our emotions are quite high at the moment. I think we need time away from each other. I hope you’ll agree with my assessment too”. Ashwini bowed her head and nodded mutely.

“I have a further favor to ask you. Could I keep some of the stuff that you bought for me? I really have no other clothes since you trashed Nikhil’s all those months ago”.

Ashwini said, “Yes”, barely whispering.

“Thank you”, said Niharika and walked to her room. She packed a small bag with clothes and walked out to see Ashwini sitting in the same place that she’d left her.

“Do you need money?”.

“No, thankfully, they offered relocation and booked my tickets for me. I told them that I didn’t have any money of my own. They sent me some money as a sign-on bonus”. Ashwini cried freely as she heard what Niharika said.

“Good bye”. Niharika walked out of the house.

     As Ashwini cried, she wondered how she ever thought that Nikhil/Niharika was ‘docile’. She rued the day she had cooked up the plan and decided to divorce Nikhil.

#

TWO YEARS LATER

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     In the intervening two years, Ashwini continued with her employer and her responsibilities only increased. She led a larger team and had a better role. However, a huge part of her had changed. Where she was brusque and impatient before, she was more understanding, gentle and patient with the people around her. Everyone who’d known her from before had remarked on this. Her boss said that it had even made her a better leader. However, everyone also noticed that her bubbly nature had been supplanted by a moody and melancholic nature that was given to a lot of silence.

     Ashwini herself found that she introspected her thoughts and actions a lot more than before. Every time someone mentioned about the change in her or when she was alone by herself, her thoughts returned to Nikhil/Niharika.

     In those two years, the two mothers, true to their word, had indeed stuck to their friendship. Unable to bear the crushing weight of what she’d done and in an act of desperation, Ashwini had confided in her mother, early on, after Nikhil/Niharika had left. That had brought an icy chill to the relationship between mother and daughter. Ashwini’s mother came close to disowning her. She told Ashwini, in no uncertain terms, that the cross was hers to bear for the rest of her life and that she’d never interfere in Ashwini’s life ever again. Ashwini pleaded with her mother but she wouldn’t budge and refused to take her calls after a time. That dropped the frequency with which she spoke to her mother drastically.

     Ashwini pleaded with her not to mention any of this to Nikhil’s mother.

“With what face would I even tell her this?” To which she acceded to quite reluctantly.

     With that, any information that Ashwini got on Nikhil also came to a standstill. All she knew was that he’d settled into his work in a different state. She’d resisted the urge to look for Nikhil as she thought the act would be unwelcome. “Why not let him be happy instead of bringing back dreadful memories?” She thought.

“Now that it has been two years, perhaps I can try to ask for his forgiveness again”, she thought which brought her to the present moment. Ashwini’s face looked drawn from a lack of sleep as she sat in from of her laptop. It was 1AM at night. She searched for Nikhil and the state she knew he was in. The first result was from almost two years ago. It was a classified AD for a roommate for sharing a rental unit with Nikhil’s name. Ashwini broke down crying. She didn’t have to energy to go on.

     It took her a full week to be able to get back to the search. The search yielded, further, public records that showed the address of a house bought in Nikhil’s name about a year prior.

     Ashwini mulled over what to do for the next month. Finally, frustrated with what she saw as her own inaction, she booked a flight to Nikhil’s home town. When she landed, she rented a car and drove straight to the address. It was 2PM in the afternoon. Ashwini parked her car on the street a little distance away from the house.

     At 5PM, a car drove up to the house. Ashwini could clearly see Nikhil in the driver’s seat as he turned into the driveway. She was surprised to see that Nikhil had his hair up in a bun. Nikhil seemed to be just as calm and collected as on the day that he’d left.

“Why should I spoil his idyllic life for my selfish reasons?” Thought Ashwini. Once again, inaction took a hold of her. She sat in the car unable to go and unable to stay. Time seemed to tick by ever so slowly.

     At 6PM, Niharika, not Nikhil, dressed in some active wear, stepped out for a run. Ashwini noted that Niharika had continued to grow her hair long and as she ran, it bounced off from side to side. Ashwini almost wanted to reach out and caress it. As Niharika came back around forty five minutes later, her face glistening with sweat, Ashwini looked at the face with longing.

     More time passed by. Ashwini closed her eyes out of exhaustion even though her mind was quite active. Suddenly, she was jolted and jumped when she heard a knock on the window. She looked at the face peering at her through the window.

Ashwini rolled the window down. “Were you planning on coming and knocking on the door or were you just planning to sit here and stalk me?” Asked the serious face. To Ashwini, the face was angelic. She tried to respond but no words were forthcoming.

“Come!” Said Niharika, as she turned and walked back towards the home. Ashwini slowly got out of the car and followed.

     Once she was inside the door, Niharika stood to one side to allow Ashwini to enter. Ashwini followed Niharika into the house.

“You haven’t eaten anything, have you?”. Ashwini shook her head. “When was your last meal? Breakfast?”. Ashwini’s nod was unnecessary.

“Sit!” Said Niharika pointing to the dining table. Ashwini went and took a seat. Niharika came back with some steaming food. She set out two plates and served for the two of them even as Ashwini looked on mutely.

“Eat”.

     Ashwini ate the food relishing how great it tasted and how much she’d missed Nikhil/Niharika’s food.

When they had eaten, “Come and sit in the living room” Niharika ordered.

     Niharika looked at Ashwini waiting for her to start. So many thoughts ran through Ashwini’s head that she worried that she’d appear to be a mad woman to Niharika. Niharika was patient.

“I’m very sorry…” Said Ashwini hesitantly.

“Don’t worry about it. Split milk…” Interrupted Niharika.

“No, it is not”. The outburst seemed to surprise Ashwini more than it did Niharika. “I need to apologize to you. If not for your sake, then for mine. Please hear me out”.

     For the next hour, thoughts poured out of Ashwini sometimes in a coherent manner and at other times, like gibberish as she tried to express her remorse.

Niharika didn’t interrupt her the entire time. “I hope you feel better now. I want to thank you for all that you said just now. Like you said, even though I forgave you a long time ago, contrary to what I believed before now, it did matter to me too”, she said calmly.

“Is there any way that I make it up to you?” Asked Ashwini hesitantly. Niharika looked at Ashwini steadfastly. “I thought that…”. Niharika raised an eyebrow. “… Perhaps I could recompense you…”.

“If that’s what you came here to do, please leave now”, Said Niharika.

“No, no. I don’t know…” Said Ashwini, as she started to sob.

“Please… Ashwini…”. Ashwini looked up at Niharika. It had been a long time since Nikhil had uttered her name and never had Niharika uttered it. “May I call you that?”.

Ashwini said, “Yes”.

“Thank you! Please don’t cry. It breaks my heart to see you cry…”.

“The heartless b**** that I was, it never did for me…” Said Ashwini, disgusted with herself.

“Who are you kidding?” Asked Niharika, angrily. “I could see the guilt in your face every day in those eighteen months. You, however, were unwilling to admit it”.

“It doesn’t matter. What matters is what I did”.

“That is true”.

A long period of silence followed.

“Have you found someone?” Asked Niharika, with concern. Ashwini shook her head vigorously. “You have to let go of, Ashwini”.

“I… I can’t”.

“Why?”.

“Because like I told Carla that day, I realized that I… You… Are the love of my life. I know how hollow that sounds… But it is the truth. Like you said, it took me a long time to admit it”. Seeing Niharika’s expression, Ashwini continued, “Oh god, you’re pitying me”.

“Oh, Ashwini. Yes, I’m pitying you not because of the profession of your love but because you’re beating yourself up over this so much… Don’t. Please don’t”.

“So, what do we do now?” Asked Ashwini.

“There’s nothing to do, really. You got back to your life and I to mine. Hope you will be able to move forward with your life now that you’ve had a chance to get some closure”.

“I will never have closure”, lamented Ashwini.

Once again, Niharika gave her a look of pity. Ashwini almost cringed at the look.

“Is there anything I can do…”.

“Do?”.

“To make you love me again?”. Ashwini almost whispered the words.

“Who told you that I don’t love you?”. Ashwini was astonished. “However, loving and being in love are two different things. One I can do. The other I cannot”.

     Ashwini couldn’t stand it anymore. She stood up and ran out of the house, still crying. Niharika made to follow her but she was not quick enough. In her hurry and blinded by tears, Ashwini ran into the street towards her car. She had no chance to see the oncoming car and neither did the driver of the car have to react. Ashwini was thrown several feet.

“Oh my god. I did not see her at all. She came out of nowhere”, said the woman who was driving.

Niharika ran to Ashwini telling the woman, “Please call emergency services”.

The woman dialed the number and spoke to the operator.

Niharika knelt down beside Ashwini and, not knowing what to do, just held her hand.

     The ambulance and the police arrived almost simultaneously. Ashwini was transported to the hospital. Niharika traveled with her. The driver stayed behind to give her statement to the police.

After a few tense hours, a doctor met with Niharika. “She’s in a stable condition. Her left femur is broken. We had to operate on her and put plates in. Other than that, she’s lost a lot of blood and has a lot of minor scrapes and wounds but she’ll be fine”.

     Niharika called her mother and told her of the accident. The two mothers decided to travel to see Ashwini and Niharika. Niharika had a special request for both mothers.

     Ashwini slowly became awake and looked around her. She saw Niharika sitting by her bedside. She tried to move and winced at the pain.

“Your left thigh is in a cast”, said Niharika.

“How long have I been out?”.

“About two days… You were briefly and barely awake for a period of time but the doctors sedated you again because you became agitated”.

Slowly, Ashwini recollected the events right before she’d blacked out. “I wish I hadn’t survived”, she said, awash in tears.

“What good would that have done?”.

“At least, I wouldn’t have been a constant reminder…”.

“No, you’d have been constant guilt”.

“There’s no way I can redeem myself, can I?”.

Niharika gave Ashwini a look of pure compassion before she said, “There is”. Ashwini was confused. “The third option…” said Niharika.

“The third option?” Asked Ashwini, uncomprehending.

“Yes, I pick the third option…”.

     Ashwini stared at Niharika. Ashwini’s eyes lit up ever so slowly as hope arose in her mind. She was riddled with self-doubt having been through this situation once before. It felt like déjà vu to her.

“You do?” Asked Ashwini in surprise. Then, stopping herself, she said, “Please don’t do this. Not out of pity…”.

“No, as much as I wanted to say that I could not be in love with you ever again, seeing you lying like that on the street, some feelings that I was not willing to acknowledge to myself came to the forefront…”. Ashwini was shocked. “But you don’t get a free pass. You’d better work to earn my trust again”.

“I do anything you ask. I’ll be…”.

“Anything? Great, I have two conditions…” Said Niharika cutting Ashwini off.

“Anything at all”, said Ashwini.

“I want to continue to be Niharika when I please and I want this to be an equal relationship”.

“I don’t want you to feel compelled to be Niharika. I think it might be too traumatic…”.

“Traumatic? For who? Me? Or you?” Asked Niharika, sternly.

Ashwini’s face grew cloudy. “I’m sorry. You are right. I’m being selfish because Niharika will make me feel guilty. Won’t it hurt you to be Niharika equally?” She asked.

“You can take it or leave it!” Said Niharika. Then, softening her stance, Niharika said, “It is important for us to confront our past and Niharika is part of that past. If we bury her, she will come back up in the future and our relationship might become irreparable then”.

     Ashwini looked at Niharika in astonishment. She seemed paralyzed in that moment. Niharika moved closer to Ashwini. She leaned in and kissed Ashwini.

Niharika brought out a mangalsutra. It looked familiar to Ashwini. “Yes, you’re not mistaken. You’ve seen this before. It is your grandmother’s”.

“How did you get it?”.

“You’d mentioned your grandmother’s mangalsutra to me once. I asked your mother to bring it with her”.

“You’ve spoken to my mother after our… split?”.

“Yes, when you confided to your mother, she called me and apologized to me profusely for setting me up with you. I told her that it was not her apology to offer. She asked me if there was anything she could do. I told her that I might ask her for something when the time was right…”.

“You knew… That this would happen? That I’d come to see you?”.

“Not that this would happen, but it could happen. How do you think I spotted you? I’ve been keeping an eye on every car on the street that was unknown to me!” Said Niharika, seriously. “You could even say that I was doing reverse stalking in a way. I don’t usually step out as Niharika too often. That run was purely for your benefit”, she said, smiling.

“When I asked her to bring it, to say that she was surprised would be an understatement… Anyway, I told her that it might come in handy right about now”.

“She knew? About Niharika?”.

“Of course, she knew. I explained everything to her”.

“My god. Your mom?”.

“Once I had worked for about a year, I went back home. I told my mom…”.

“Oh god, what she must think of me…”.

“Your mom and I convinced her that it was OK and that the relationship could be salvaged. She wasn’t convinced then. I think, now that the end game is near, she’s come around to the same point of view”.

“End game?”.

“Yes, the wedlock of Ashwini and Niharika”.

“I want to get married to Nikhil again!” Protested Ashwini.

“You don’t get to pick who you get married to. You don’t get to dictate anything for the foreseeable future!” Said Niharika walked towards the door.

“Where are you going?” Asked Ashwini.

“Don’t you want to see them?”.

“Oh god. I can never ever face them in my life”.

“Too late for that”. Niharika went to the door and opened it. “She is awake!” She announced. The two mothers came into the room.

Ashwini hid her face with her hands and cried from shame. “I’m sorry. I’m a despicable human being”.

“You are!” Said Ashwini’s mother. “But if Nikhil and Niharika have forgiven you, who are we to hold a grudge?” Said Niharika’s mother.

“Now, do it!” Said Niharika, handing the mangalsutra to Ashwini.

“No, I won’t. It is Nikhil who should be…”.

“Too late for that”, said Niharika. “It is either this or nothing…”.

“Not necessarily… Here”, said Niharika’s mother and brought out another and handed it to Niharika.

“Hold on to it, mom. Nikhil can do the honors when he makes an appearance”, said Niharika.

“This is so wrong…” Lamented Ashwini.

“It is only wrong if you think that I’m somehow still disadvantaged by being Niharika. Niharika was at a disadvantage in the past. You had better believe that she has the upper hand at the moment. Now, shut up and tie it”.

#

TWO MONTHS LATER

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“You’re a master planner, aren’t you?” Asked Ashwini, smiling at Niharika. Ashwini brought two cups of herbal tea and set it on the table in front.

“Completely accidental but I’ll take that as a compliment. It took me a while to figure out that if life gives you lemons, you make lemonade… Or something like that”, said Niharika as she picked up the cup and sipped the tea.

“I’m sorry…”.

“Please stop. Show me that you love me with your actions… I have to say that it is early days still but if these past two months are any indication, you’re doing well. In return, I promise that I will never bring up the past… If it’ll make it easier for you, I’ll go back to being Nikhil full time…”.

“You don’t have to. It will always be a part of me even if Niharika isn’t around. That constant reminder will keep me honest. I will never take you for granted and never betray your trust. Besides, I love Niharika just as much as Nikhil”.

They stared out of the window at the falling snow, each lost in their own thoughts.

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| 8,655 Words || Published On 24/MAR/2023 |

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